The unpronounceables

I come from a family to whom second languages are a breeze, and often third/fourth languages (if you count Swiss-German/French dialect as a language and not just a dialect). I will just say here that my pathetic contribution is French, and that's it. I once had a lengthy conversation while Interrailing, sitting outside the umpteenth cathedral I refused to go into, with a charming ancient Italian bloke in my A-level Spanish. We understood each other perfectly. It helped that the girls and I had had some wine at lunch, also that he was slightly deaf. And at the point where it turned out he was trying to set me up with his son (not present) I feigned a sudden lack of interpretation skills.
Having a facility for languages, however, is actually no help at all in the world of bookselling. Many customers, and this is not at all a criticism, don't know how to pronounce the names of foreign writers, and frankly nor do we most of the time. I know in theory that Houellebecq is pronounced Wellbeck, but prefer to pronounce it Ooouelleblablablabecque. Ditto with Chuck Palahniuk, who is now officially Plalalalalalaniacccchhh. Or maybe it's easiest to say "It's in paperback fiction under H. Just before Elizabeth Jane Howard." - all of which brings back to me the early days of Salman Rushdie's fatwah, and how suddenly it was The Done Thing on the BBC news to refer to him as SoolmAAhn RooshdEE.
Certain words are also a minefield - I mean we all know in theory how to say "genre" but tend not to, as you end up sounding like a Saatchi underling trying to sell Tracey Emin's used pants to an awestruck art novice. Especially if you add the unforgiveable word "oeuvre" which, if not considerately and inclusively pronounced "hoover", marks you out as so pretentious you need shooting. I love Nabokov (sorry), and wouldn't dream of saying "oeuvre" about his body of work.
We recently invented some incorrect pronunciations (it was a quiet afternoon) for use on the more studiedly poncey customer : my personal favourite was Alain-Benet (to be pronounced like JonBenet), although he was run a close second by Dan Brun and Jean Greeshamm.

Behold BOTH my domains.

Probably the first thing anybody does these days when they have a GREAT NEW IDEA is to rush out (or in) and buy the appropriate domain name. Done it twice in the last 6 months myself. When you think about it it's not really very different from congratulating yourself on the fantastic storage space you have in your flat - and having nothing to put in it. So as per my post ages ago about the website - well, it's still a twinkly domain name that Alan Bennett hasn't so far taken exception to, although apparently his publishers are mildly troubled and think people googling his latest book will get us by accident. Pause here for blurt (or "spit-take" for anyone else who's a fan of Studio 60). The likelihood of a tiny bespoke book website getting enough hits to come further up a search engine than The Latest Work By One Of Britain's Best-loved Authors is similar to the likelihood of me being America's Next Top Model (likelihood lessened by the fact that I don't live in America, nor am I in any sense American) (modelling credentials equally thin).
The other website was part of a flurry of craft-based activity between me and two friends. I won't go any further, not because it's some big secret or anything, just because the domain name contained the word "muff" (yes, we know) and we were laughing too hard when we bought it to think about actually DOING anything with it.
AAAAAnyway. At work today (Sat) and ploughing through a couple of crates of returns to process. Don't worry, that's all the jargon you're going to get. In real terms, this means I'm out the back with a bucket of coffee while someone else does all the real work.

Oh yeah PS - this week I are be mostly reading "The Dud Avocado" by Elaine Dundy, "Prester John" by John Buchan, "The Magician's Doubts" by Michael Wood, "The Post-Birthday World" bu Lionel Shriver, and "The Oxford Murders" by Guillermo Martinez.