Saturday 21 November 2009

Dear Father Christmas

I've moaned about this before, but the Mighty World Of Retail starts Christmas early. In our defence, a combination of postal strikes and far-flung relatives have caused the local customers to panic slightly about posting Christmas cards, so we now have a lot of them out. And advent calendars. Well, they start on the 1st of December, so there's my excuse. Oh, and obviously wrapping paper - those presents bound for New Zealand have to be seasonal. Oh, and books people might want to send like A Child's Christmas In Wales, yadda yadda yadda...
All in all, apart from not having Now That's What I Call Yuletide braying loudly in the background (we have no radio, no CD player, no speakers - not even on the PC - and the woman from the Performing Rights Society who rang to check didn't believe me, either), we have gone the way of all flesh and are now more or less 100% festive. I apologise. I also apologise for the microscopic specks of spectral green glitter on my face (thank you, Roger LaBorde stationery) that leap into vivid and scary life at certain angles but seem resistant to scrubbing. I am currently pretending I am a sparkly-faced Twilight-style vampirette, albeit one who was "turned" too old to stay young and glam for all eterniddeee.
In this scarily early spirit of festivity, I have composed my Christmas list (Mr Fishwife's favourite trick when asked what he would like for Christmas/birthdays is to reply vaguely "Oh, something nice.."). No excuses for me, here it is in all its magnificence. No hints.

1) This, to live in. I'd settle for a copy, built in a stately clearing of my choosing.


2) One of these. Alive, obviously, not in the form of a coat for some creepy oligarch's ho.


3) The Koh-I-Noor. 105 carats of pure bliss. I wouldn't wear it, far too big, but possibly I'd use it as a doorstop or something..

Go on, spoil me. And I honestly don't mind if I get two Koh-I-Noors. And I could always use the second St Pancras to keep my snow leopards in.

7 comments:

Deborah said...

You are so funny...I love your posts! And it's great that you set your sights beyond 'Oh, just get me a little something....whatever..."

Deirdre said...

where have you been?....missed your musings........is St p's gorgeuos inside..have'nt visited yet....

pilgrimchick said...

It's great you know exactly what you want!

Yes, the Christmas season does indeed start early from a retail point of view. I think most of us prefer that it didn't.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

In my first ever job in a card shop, all Christmas cards, calendars and wrap went on display on 1st September. This was nearly 20 years ago and customers were always up in arms for the first few weeks, but others surprisingly, liked to buy their cards etc that early as they were ultra organised and liked having the pick of the designs.
Personally I am therefore not surprised to see anything on display from 1st September onwards, just depressed. I would have thought they would have even less reason to moan at this juncture of the year though. And 70% of books are sold in the 4 months up until Christmas, however they may moan about it.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Deborah- Oh it pays to have a list. "Whatever" translates into "socks" unless you're very clear about the category of "whatever" you want...

Deirdre- Sorry - lapse of concentration! Back now, I promise. It's lovely inside, as a train station that is. I'm obviously going to have it totally done over; I see a lot of open fireplaces and velvet curtainage.

Pilgrimchick- It could be worse, remember when you were 12 and every shop had "BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!" displays pretty much from July 1st onwards? What a blight on the summer holidays THAT was.

Laura - Actually we're finding it very interesting in terms of how much better the "stocking filler" types of books are now selling, particularly if we cluster them together near the till. So far we haven't had any ccomplaints, but we haven't filled the windows with tinsel yet..

Steerforth said...

I remember a rep arriving at my shop with a selection of next year's calendars. It was January 8th!

At the time it seemed quite normal, as did having a preview of the Christmas bestsellers in March.

My wife used to call me Scrooge, but working in a shop really killed Christmas for me. Thank God I no longer work for the Evil Empire, who apparently now expect their staff to be back in the shop on Boxing Day.

usedbuyer 2.0 said...

Dear Fishwife,
Am I wrong, after more than twenty years now in books, to still be impatient for the decking of staircases with garlands, the arrival of silver bows and shiny gift-wrap, twinkle lights at the cash registers, of busy shoppers, mountainous book displays and critics' Christmas lists? I confess it, I love the whole kitsch, commercial mess. My favorite time of year.