Monday, 12 May 2008

Just what every suave single man needs

Went to a friend's **th birthday at the weekend (age deleted to protect the sensitive), which he had wisely chosen to have upstairs (big open windows) in a pub, and less wisely across the road from a funfair. Although to be honest he couldn't have foreseen that the evening would be enlivened by the occasional sound of a speaker-distorted voice bawling
"NOstandinonthewaltzersISAYNOstandinSCREEEEEEAMifyouwannagofaster".

After a few glasses of wine it seemed like the best idea in the world to just, you know, cross the road for a few minutes, just to look, oh wow candyfloss... And let's face it, what hastily-acquired present says "Congratulations on your **th birthday" better than a lifesize stuffed toy of Bully, the mascot from Bullseye...? Don't answer that, it was a rhetorical question, and it's too late. His beautifully-decorated bachelor pad will now have a hint of dirty old pub lech about it, and I'm sure he's suitably grateful.

I used to work for Air France and of all the things the French found mildly eccentric about us, darts was the one that really foxed them. Where else in the world are a bunch of fat sweating nylon-clad middle-aged men clutching pints of lager considered sportsmen? (Boules doesn't count because they're outdoors, and at least they're doing some walking). One colleague could actually be reduced to tears of derisive laughter by the use of the phrase "Darts International, Jocky Wilson.."


12 comments:

charles said...

I want to bring you some books, from a small (tiny) West London press, and I don't THINK there's anything wrong with that, but I can't seem to work out exactly which bookshop you may be in and in this heat I can't face tramping around every single one of them in West London asking if . . . If the location really is a top secret you could send me a Harriet-the-spy-type message on the email on the cbeditions.com site, or not.

lucyfishwife said...

Charles - I'll go to the website! See you there.

JonathanM said...

Stalker.

Just don't let him bring that bloody Jenny woman along with him.

lucyfishwife said...

Mmeh, like you can talk, Shalamar boy. Damn you and your Derren Brown-style NLP suggestions. As I boogie home singing "Take that to the bank" I will curse you unto the 11th generation, damn you. My feet are tapping.

JonathanM said...

The Lion Sleeps Tonight - Okay if ENO. Think chrome dome and peacock feathers whilst humming.

charles said...

That bloody Jenny woman, as Jonathan so nicely puts it, is far too busy sorting out her summer wardrobe to be trekking around London with books. Besides, if she wants to visit, she doesn't need me along with her.

lucyfishwife said...

Anyone is welcome to visit but Charles has set the bar high with his propitiary offering of Gauloises... Jonathan I can't believe you mean BRIAN Eno? No way did he do a cover of the Lion Sleeps Tonight. (aaaEEEEEEEumumaweh...Damn you, damn you, damn you).

JonathanM said...

Way:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5RYptkzbjY

Sorry Charles, she's lovely really.

lucyfishwife said...

No, I'm actually quite scared now.

NML said...

Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog. I appreciated your words of support. The campaign will continue to get my retraction but it's wearing and you're right - I have to view it as a 'minor setback'. Thank you.

I really don't 'get' darts. I found Bullseye funny to watch as a kid but I just don't see it as a sport. I now keep saying 180 in my head! Thanks :-)

Reluctant Blogger said...

Well, the French should sort their own sports out. When we were skiing earlier this year, we were invited to take part in an Anglo-French tournament of a local pastime. We had no idea what it was going to be. But basically, there were two boots on the floor, with a piece of string tied to the back and you can to reel the boots in across the floor by twisting the string round this peg. The first one to get the boot across the room won. I've never had so much fun in my life (well, almost never) - but we lost hopelessly. The locals had obviously been brought up on this pastime.

I used to love darts as a student. I was only on the team cos I of my facility with numbers - I was rubbish at actually throwing darts.

My blood sugar is fine!

lucyfishwife said...

RB - possibly the oddest thing I've ever heard. Was it actually a sport? Are you sure they weren't so hopelessly drunk they thought you were helping fix their car or something? Mind you we can still trump any nation in the world with our strange "sports" - Beetle Drive, anyone?