Saturday, 10 May 2008

I'm NOT a crazy ranting fool.

Mr Fishwife was kind enough to offer me an in-depth critique of yesterday's post as follows : "You sound like a crazy ranting fool". So I herewith offer my apologies to:
(a) anyone who was misled by same into thinking I am anything other that a rational, law-abiding, tax-paying member of society,
(b) anyone who is a crazy ranting fool and was offended by my portrayal of their profession (it is, I believe, a growth industry, based mainly on public transport and the internet),
(c) Mr Fishwife for the appalling shame incurred.
And in retaliation I offer you some choice nuggets from his recent MOT. I should point out here that Mr Fishwife works In Money, so is subject to a regular check in the manner of racehorses etc to ensure he won't drop dead at short notice and cost his employers a fortune in death-in-service payments to me. Every check they performed had a little conclusion at the end of it, just to rule out any hypochondria on the part of the patient, ie "Your red blood count is within normal boundaries. YOU DO NOT HAVE ANAEMIA." I was delighted to find that he didn't have diabetes either, or glaucoma. "A rectal examination was not performed", which was nice. And his waist-to-hip ratio is "within desirable limits for his age". Show me a man who doesn't want to be told he has desirable hips. All in all, not bad really, but I was frankly overjoyed that the bookselling industry is so lax in these matters that the question of whether or not my eyesight is failing would only, really, emerge after I had inadvertently sold some 8-year-old a copy of "Fear Of Flying" thinking it was "Five Go Camping".

4 comments:

Vicus Scurra said...

Much as I hate to sow dissent, I for one am tired of being told that I have "desirable hips". Please ask all of those salivating women who pursue me as I go about my business to desist.

lucyfishwife said...

We said we wouldn't talk about this in public!

Reluctant Blogger said...

Ooops I am intruding on a private moment. I will sneak off quietly and hope I was noticed . . .

lucyfishwife said...

Come back! I haven't analysed your blood sugar levels yet!