Monday, 21 April 2008

Vets and pets

"Learn to read with Lucy Fishwife and her two cats"

See Lucy Fishwife. Lucy and Mr Fishwife have two cats.
See her two cats.
Lucy's older cat has bald patches, a bad temper, an evil stare, and gags a lot.
She is called Ruby.
Lucy's younger cat likes to get attention by limping around with her paw held up.
She is called Millie.
Millie recently cost Lucy Fishwife A BIG LOT of money at the vet.
Because Lucy thought Millie had broken her paw and it turned out she was a malingering little sod who has realised that limping about gets her attention.
So that was £175, two Xrays and a course of ketamine down the drain.
Ruby recently cost Lucy Fishwife AN EVEN BIGGER LOT of money at the vet.
Because she turns out to be allergic to her own flea bites.
Mr Vet had to do a surprisingly large and extensive range of tests to find this out.
Mr Vet's computer sent Ruby a nice letter asking her to let Lucy know she now owes Mr Vet £375.
Lucy is, frankly, less than entirely chuffed to be asked for money in quite such a twee way.
Particularly in a letter signed "the Practice computer".
Lucy is going to get her fridge, hairdryer and christmas lights to go round and beat up Mr Vet's computer.
Lucy will of course pay the bill because she's law-abiding and superstitiously afraid of medical professionals.
No animals were harmed during the writing of this blog. Although Lucy has glared at them.


Brother Tobias said...

I have spilt coffee all over my keyboard laughing at this, and I hold you responsible. Much better than Janet and John.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Don't mention keyboards!!! That practice computer has a lot to answer for. I'm now thinking of them as coyly simpering sentient beings. Yours will probably now send you a winsome admonition in the form of a haiku for spilling the coffee...