Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Forward planning

Today I forgot my lunch.
I also forgot (although less of an obvious oversight, given the weather) sunglasses, which would have been useful for some of the day, and an umbrella, which would have been useful for the other half.
I forgot that couscous is not ideal when eaten with a fork at the best of times, but especially when eaten with a fork over your keyboard while perched on an inappropriately-sized Ikea barstool at a worktop the incorrect height.
I forgot those Creme Eggs under the till were there for Easter Egg Hunt purposes, and not for general desultory staff consumption.
I also forgot that there is NO WAY to eat one quickly and furtively between dealing with customer enquiries, and the best a prospective bookbuyer can expect is for the staff member eating one (yes, that would be me) to panic, glance around frantically for somewhere to put half-eaten egg, fail as eggs traditionally don't stand on their ends, shove the whole thing into their mouth at once and end up communicating through a mixture of sign language and scribbled notes.
I forgot that accidentally chewing a piece of garish Creme Egg tinfoil can cause a nasty shock to your fillings.
I forgot that Converse Allstars are delightful footwear except when it rains, when they are frankly as useful as a blotting paper hat.
But I did get paid today, and tomorrow I will forget that whenever I spend more than 25p at a time my bank feels impelled to phone me and check my card hasn't been stolen by international racketeers.

16 comments:

Nora Johnson said...

Reminds me of that bit in Alice in W where she's unable to remember a poem. Without those sunglasses, you haven't fallen down the odd rabbit hole lately too, have you?!

btw did you make it to the film? (I haven't yet... though, in any event, it'll be decades before it reaches Andalucia!)

LOLA:)

JamaGenie said...

I've come to the conclusion that Creme Eggs should come with a warning on the label: "DO NOT attempt to eat in public"! And once you've popped the uneaten half into your mouth because it won't stand on end, unless you already have a raging fever the chocolate melts at the "speed" of cold molasses.

On the other hand, Creme Eggs appearing in shops is confirmation that winter is over! So I buy two and call eating them my Rite of Spring! ;)

Fran said...

This kind of memory loss can come in really useful, though. I'd hang on to it.

herschelian said...

Couscous over the keyboard, not a good idea - I had to spend ages with a toothpick trying to extract Pringles crumbs from mine...life is too short.

libby said...

Can't really go mad for a creme egg myself ... more a chunk of kitkat or praline kind of girl..and the thought of tin foil on my fillings!!! makes me shudder!!!!

Vicus Scurra said...

Please also remember that there is no other variety of planning other than forward.
You have been visited by the pointless pedant.

Sgt Pepper said...

Absolutely brilliant post. Funniest thing I've read since the Christmas Party description in Joe Keenan's Blue Heaven. This, Fishwife, is comedy gold. Thanks.

fifi said...

Have you really had your credit card cloned by international racketeers? It happened to me but visa called straight away to ask if I'd made a purchase for 23 eurocents. Why do they work like that, do you know? I later received a copy of court proceedings against a band of Romanian fraudsters.
I can't believe you ate a cream egg I thought they were unbearably sickly for anyone over 10.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

I've had days like that.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Nora - Film was sold out, so we went to see Dragon Tattoo instead. Excellent. It might have benefited from Tim Burton direction and Johnny Depp, but no quibbles otherwise..

JamaGenie - I sprained my tongue eating a Creme Egg once. And that's all I have to say about that.

Fran - Hang on to what now?

herschelian - My laptop at home was donated to me by my brother-in-law. i found out this was because his children had permanently glued the "E" key down with strawberry Petit Filou.

Libby - It's purely seasonal. I am very very much a chunky peanut butter KitKat woman the other 11.5 months of the year.

Vicus - Only in this universe, thank you. Rear-view planning still theoretically possible in an infinite multiverse.

Sgt Pepper - I LOVE JOE KEENAN. Thank you, I will clutch that compliment to my bosom like a fluffy day-old chick.

Fifi - I don't want to tempt Fate by saying I haven't, but Mr Fishwife once got a phonecall (on our home landline) from his bank asking if he'd just bought a washing machine in Greece. "Er, no, as you may be able to tell I'm in London..."

Laura - The week has improved immeasurably. Although I say that and now I'll probably be shoved under my homeward Tube by some nutter.

Cassandra said...

oooooooh God yes re the fillings. Agony. Errrr - not that I've any fillings or flaws of any kind, of course! Also loving the fact that I have got a book recommendation from my old boss, Sargent Pepper, through your comments, Lulu! Am now dying to read Blue Heaven. Fxx

Cassandra said...

Should also mention that Sargent Pepper is seldom so full of praise, Lulu. He's usually a total misery. You have REALLY impressed him. I TOLD him that he'd love your blog and I was right!

Sgt Pepper said...

Thank you, Cass. There's precious little to get excited about when you've seen as much misery and pain as I have, but La Fishwife is 'the real deal', as Surralan would say.

And Blue Heaven is very much my Desert Island Discs book alongside, of coure 'The Bible and the Complete Works of ... etc'. As a male reader, though, the only drawback is the assumption that onlookers will make that you are a RAVING SHIRT-LIFTER to be enjoying it so much. Ok for girls though, I guess.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Cass - I keep forgetting people in Blogworld actually know each other in real life (although Mantua Maker is actually my oldest friend, so I shouldn't be as surprised as that). Yes, read Joe Keenan - it's as if suddenly they had decided to admit that Frasier & Niles are actually a squabbling gay couple rather than brothers. Just a joy.

Sgt Pepper - Thank you again! I also loved "Putting on the Ritz", which I'm sure you had similar problems with... For true "is he..???" doubletakes on the Tube, though, Ronald Firbank can't be beaten. It's the bookreading equivalent of a green carnation, lilac spats and an eau-de-nil watered silk smoking jacket.

Sgt Pepper said...

Thanks. Not so keen on (keen on\keen an - geddit?) the third one though. Too gay, I think. Or, more accurately, too graphic. Very funny but didn't quite make the journey to the West Coast. Have you ever seen what JK looks like, by the way? I hadn't then stumbled on a clip of him in the Extras section of the Frasier Season Blah box-set. If you've never seen it, then just DON'T. Really. It's Stephen King terrifying.

pilgrimchick said...

Ah, Creme Eggs--and that very dangerous foil. Sadly only once a year.