Sunday, 11 April 2010

Sunday Miscellany

Sunday afternoon, and I'll just get past the "What I had for lunch" bit: cheddar, smoked ham, unsalted butter and wasabi on crusty fresh white bread. With a 10-litre mug of builder's tea. Now just smacking my lips and twiddling my hands mid-air with a distant expression on my face as I try to remember if there's anything cake-related in the kitchen, and, if not, whether I can be arsed to make a whole batch of chocolate brownie cupcakes just to have one now. Or maybe four. Laziness will probably win out over greed, which is a good thing as I stopped being able to describe myself as "willowy" sometime in my 20s, and recently have wondered whether "approximately humanoid" is acceptable as a description.

Mr Fishwife is watching some rugby - I speak as one who knows very little about rugby, but even I can see that this is just rugby-for-the-sake-of-watching-rugby: The teams are both dressed like Where's Wally*, although for clarity one team is in red/white stripes and the other is in red/ivory, and although I can't read very well from here (short sight, damn it) it appears to be Whifflet playing Sproin, which can hardly be major league stuff. In fact it's so minor league I am probably down on the team list as a substitute prop-forward.

I, on the other hand, am doing something useful and worthwhile - frenziedly editing the Ocado order I placed yesterday, mostly at 7 pm but partly at 1 am. HOW did those family packs of Magnum choc ices end up in there? Has somebody hacked my Ocado account? That would explain the caramel syrup, the 4 packs of Chunky Peanut Butter KitKats, the clearance Easter eggs (half price!!). It is the work of seconds to high-mindedly remove them and replace them with fresh fruit and organic courgettes. If, you know, it wasn't vitally important that I wash my hair first. Damn, too late to edit. Oh well.
I should point out that I am deeply in love with Ocado - why has it taken me this long to realise that somebody else will not only push the heavy trolley round the supermarket but also deliver it? In a van painted to look like an onion? And send you a little text message beforehand telling you to expect Vladimir In The Onion Van??? Obviously my mind was on, er, higher things.

The author would like to state that she has received no incentive, financial or otherwise, to write a favourable piece about Ocado Ltd Online Retail. More's the pity. Although they did once sub me a free bottle of Macon-Lugny because they didn't have the bread rolls I was after, which in value for money terms was quite a result. I keep ordering the bread rolls, in a triumph of hope over experience, but sadly I mostly get bread rolls.

*Should just add : the rugby has now become an altogether higher-grade, Heineken Cup affair. Stade Francais are playing. They appear to be dressed as Malibu Barbie, in full head-to-toe sugar pink, with natty matching sugar-pink socks and scrum caps. The kit was obviously designed by Hello Kitty, although I probably won't be telling them that to their faces.

7 comments:

Sgt Pepper said...

Yeah, we did Ocado for a bit. Quite liked the colour coded plastic bags and online shopping experience (although Amazon remains the dog's as far as that is concerned, of course). But, in the end, I don't think you can beat the real thing. The Saturday afternoon drive out to Saino's wins hands-down for me because:

- you can have a good rummage through the fruit to pick the very least-ripe bananas (english mustard yellow, slashed with lime green), and those perfect bruise-free crunchy Braeburn apples;
- likewise in the chill cabinet to pick the packets with the very longest Use-by dates. It helps being very tall here, by the way;
- you can marvel at other people's shopping as you kill time at the checkout - All-time favourite being a Miss Brodie type who had bought two bottles of Bells, nine pipes of Pringles and a single tin of cat food (wanted to take her home with me - what stories she could tell, I thought);
- you can flirt with other shoppers (the ladies outnumber the men by, err, 12 to one) like no tomorrow, safe in the certainty that it's all 'supermarket role-play' fun;
- those lovely Nectar points (doubled up if you pay with Nectar Amex card, as I do of course); and most of all
- the dreamy, underwater sensation of gliding along the rows and discovering new things (What's this? I had NO IDEA Lurpak came in such huge cartons - and such good value when you buy two, I see).

'Me time' at its best.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Is rugby watched by 'men with odd-shaped balls' as well or is that a vicious rumour?

Feel free not to answer if that's too personal a question ;-)

I've never quite understood what Ocado is - some company which couldn't spell 'Avocardo' I presumed. I hate the idea of other people choosing my shopping I must say - and in particular getting it wrong. But then I am quite a fussy shopper.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Sgt Pepper - I utterly get your point, but one thing and one thing only keeps me going back to Ocado - the fact that somebody else gets the pleasure of carrying a hundredweight of wine and lard back from the supermarket for me. Although one might argue that's why God made Mr Fishwife. But I do agree with you about everything else, in theory, apart from the bananas (preferred variety: sunset yellow with black freckles - excellent for making cakes).

Laura : If I comment on the oddly shaped balls thing I will make every nightmare Mr F has ever had about Internet Confidentiality come true. So no, I believe it to be a vicious rumour. I do fully believe that most sports are watched by men with oddly-shaped Neanderthal brow-ridges though...
Ocado is Waitrose in online form. I love it with the tender love of a newly-emerged snowdrop.

Rose said...

that is either the worst- or perhaps best- kit I've seen on sportsmen- they must feel like total idiots and it must be very hard to terrify for your opponents in bright pink!

Lucy said...

In NYC we have Fresh Direct but it seems like such a chore, all the verifications and appointments, etc. so I just scrounge around the little stores in the nabe anyway. One person as I am I can't do a big delivery to make it worthwhile. But yes I love living in a place where people will deliver, everything!

Loved the hot pink sports guys, being fierce. Talk about cultural non conditioning to pink! Delightful!

I found your site through ScentScelf, she is a fellow perfumista who reads like a fiend, as I do...

Lucy Fishwife said...

Rose - i think it's designed on the same principles as the haka - your opponents are so startled it throws them off their game. I have to say it's the only time I've found myself Googling replica kit and wondering if I could carry off a rugby top though.

Lucy - Hi namesake! yes, I understand the frustration of the online thing, but I am fundamentally the laziest person in the world. If I could go to work online I would be happy (and doubtless several sizes larger). And why can't they just fit an ATM in my sitting-room so I didn't have to go out for cash?????

Christina Lindsay said...

You have really made me laugh! I love your blog and you are wonderful. Christina xx