Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Quite extraordinary

Day off, and having just been out to get milk I am reclining on the sofa pretending to watch PMQ, although actually I'm reading. Phone rings. Against my better judgement I answer it, because while it's 99% likely to be a telemarketer, there's a 1% chance it might be someone I actually want to talk to.

Her: Hello, is that Mrs Fishwife?

Me: Speaking.

Her: This is the West London Carpet Cleaning Company - do you need any carpets or upholstery cleaning?

Me: No, thank you.

Her: Thank you for your time.

Me: Not at all.

WHY CAN'T IT ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT??????

I'm now starting to think I may have imagined it.

In a similar vein, I went to the bank with a Canadian bank draft (long story) to deposit - I took NOT ONLY my passport BUT ALSO my marriage certificate as the draft was made out to my maiden name. After several depressing attempts at this in the past ("Canadian dollars? I din know they had dollars!"), I was all prepared to argue the point that YES it was dated August 09 but NO it hadn't expired as it was a draft, see, it says draft here, not a cheque, and drafts don't expire, yes, that is me, here's my passport, blardy bla bla.

Lovely young Mr Gandhi of the Banco de Abbey Santander Nacionalista de Londres took one look, filled out a form, took two photocopies, et voila.

I am now back on the sofa dazedly watching something or other and wondering if I went to sleep last night and woke up in a parallel universe where everybody is helpful, efficient and polite. Obviously I will now have jinxed it, and Mr Ocado ("he will be delivering in the Courgette Van!!!") will spill a full bottle of fabric conditioner on the carpet and tread some cat food into it, snarl, punch me and steal the TV. Oh well.

An update: AND AND AND Mr Ocado was an hour early!!!!!! And (of course) charming. Although I'm always slightly disappointed that the Courgette Van (or Lemon, or Strawberry) isn't actually shaped like any of those things. Can't have everything...

8 comments:

Nora Johnson said...

Your day sounds like something out of Alice in W! You haven't seen (and been brainwashed by) that awful film too, have you?!

LOLA:)

Lucy Fishwife said...

Hi hon! Yes, very like Wonderland, although fewer Red Queens and talking caterpillars (shame). Haven't seen the film yet, although going next week - once I got told it was "a sequel" rather than "a re-imagining" I felt better disposed towards it - and you have to admit, Johnny Depp (like R Downey Jr and Philip Seymour Hoffman) goes a long way towards redeeming nearly anything...

C.J.Duffy said...

When you finally wake up and after the sleep has left your eyes, frame this dream and keep it as it sounds wonderful!

Lucy Fishwife said...

CJ - If this was a dream I'd have looked in the mirror and discovered I'd turned into Eva Green. Or Beyonce. The stubborn persistence of my usual face has persuaded me that it wasn't s dream - which is actually better, isn't it? A real universe in which lovely young Mr Gandhi is content to help the public rather than rise to running his own bank... *wipes grateful tear from eye*

Mwa said...

I LOVE days like that!

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

These calls, when they don't pursue the conversation, always spook me, because I wonder whether they just called to see if anyone was 'in' or whether I sounded like an old lady. Not that I'm suspicious or anything!

Lucy Fishwife said...

Fran, you're trying to destroy my faith in human nature, but it won't work!! Although I probably sounded enough like an old lady on the phone to be scared now. Will get Mr F to answer next time in gruffest Geordie (**shriek of laughter at thought of Mr F trying to regain his longlost accent**)

Steve said...

Do you keep passing Bill Murray is the street? Same place every day? Hmm...