Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Moan, moan, moan.

Yeah yeah yeah, it's gorgeous. Try slogging across it in driving Arctic rain.

So Hammersmith bridge is closed all this week for construction work (obviously I've read all that stuff about NOT GIVING AWAY TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFO ON YOUR BLOG so as to avoid stalkage, but frankly there is only one bookshop in Barnes, so a determined stalker could find us fairly easily if pressed). Hammersmith Bridge is closed, which means that I have to get out of Hammersmith Tube, and walk across the bridge to get a further bus. Not too bad in the big scheme of commuting, I agree, but it's all relative - I'm so used to a few stops on the tube, wander out to the bus stop, tra la la. This bungs a whole fifteen minutes of exercise into my day, both ways, and furthermore it was absolutely chucking down this morning, so I spent this morning's little journey doing exclamations of indignation in my head - to the point where I was worried I'd start saying them out loud. Rough transcript as follows:

Oh bugger, it's... it's running off my nose! It itches! But my hands are too wet to wipe my nose! GET OUT OF MY WAY! Why are people with umbrellas incapable of moving to one side to let you pass? IT IS ILLEGAL TO CYCLE ON THE PAVEMENT!!!!! My nose itches! IT ITCHES!!! No really, hit me with your umbrella!!! DON'T BOTHER STOPPING, IT'S ONLY A BUS STOP AND YOU'RE ONLY A BUS!!!!!!!! There's a wet patch on this seat! Is it... me?

And so forth. My inner monologue on the way to work (when not muffled by the louder voice of whatever book I'm reading) tends to be a thing of sleepy oh wowness since I'm not fully awake until I've had my first coffee at 9.30ish. Today I have morphed into my occasional alter ego Mrs Freakishly Short Fuse. Sigh.

9 comments:

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

It wouldn't be me hitting you with my umbrella. I bought one today for FOURTEEN QUID and found it was the smallest umbrella in the world.

usedbuyer 2.0 said...

You should consider moving to someplace with a nice, hot, dry climate, like Seattle. This sort of thing could never happen here... daily.

libby said...

At least its all in your head....and only occasional......and makes you have an understanding of those older ladies who witter away grumpily to themselves (and fart) as if they were the only people in the place......hang on ..... that might be me pretty soon.....and FOURTEEN QUID for an umbrella!!!!

katyboo1 said...

My sympathies are with you. My internal dialogue is usually quite similar, and unfortunately for me, not always entirely internal.

I have a question for you as a perfume genius. My friend used to wear Fendi, but they have discontinued it apparently. She misses the smell and wants something similar. Can you recommend?

Sgt Pepper said...

You have my complete sympathy, Fishwife.Being rather older than you, I have matured my fury to an almost permanent condition which, oddly, is often at its richest (and most mad, I fully accept) when directed at completely harmless people sitting opposite or nearby on the train into work. Thank goodness for our gun laws in this country - without them, there'd be considerably fewer people travelling up from the Kent borders each morning, I can tell you.

Rose said...

hmm I heard about this when I got the bus to Hammersmith a few weeks ago and was like note to self avoid Hammersmith like the plague for the near future.

I just had to use the tube for the first at rush hour in months this morning (I normally get away with buses and walking etc) you forget just how much personal space is something to be valued

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Yes, I stalked you one time Lucy, but you were off that day (actually, I happened to be in the area by chance so thought I would pop in).

But your new route sounds ok except for the rain. We are all supposed to do a minimum of 45 minutes exercise a day anyway - latest advice.

JamaGenie said...

As one who can only dream of living in London in *any* weather, I'd much rather be walking in the rain on Hammersmith Bridge than where I live in the U.S. Midwest. 'One woman's misery is another's bliss'...

Lucy Fishwife said...

Fran - I have one of those, it's called a "hat". It doesn't have a handle or ribs either, and it's made of fleece, but otherwise exactly like your umbrella. Only cheaper...

Usedbuyer - Yes I've heard about the vast savannahs of Seattle. Is it true you have to pipe your water in from Alaska?

Libby - Where are you poor sods getting ripped off £14 for an umbrella? I'd just hang around any shop and swipe one from inside the front door.

Katyboo - I found some Fendi on Amazon - looks like an actual shop selling it too. How about theperfumedcourt.com? They seem to have sample sizes of everything.

Sergeant Pepper - I did once inadvertently say "SLACK-JAWED TWAT" out loud, but the guy I said it to couldn't hear me over his BLOODY LOUD iPOD.

Rose - I was actually getting used to personal space on the pavements, if not the actual tube, but now it's like they've crammed us into a teeny walkway with opaque sand-filled puddles. So note to self: Don't wear those nice black suede boots you used to like.

Laura - Oh please stalk me, my life is very dull. Plus I know you don't want to skin me or brick me up behind a false wall (I'm presuming). Thanks for the exercise advice (AAAIIEEEEE) - I was hoping to avoid it unless it was leg-lifts on the sofa with a plate of pasta in one hand and the remote in the other.

Jamagenie - I swear, London isn't all that. I won't deny it's lovely, but secretly I want to be living in the South of France. Although most Londoners have similar dreams..