Friday 31 October 2008

Inadvisable

My route home involves a quick walk through Hammersmith tube station, which, like many tube stations, has a sad and nasty new-build pub in it. Every night as I go past I get a heady whiff of old chip-fat, spilt beer, and the quiet desperation of any pub that is nobody's local. Also... inappropriate karaoke. I can't begin to imagine what mildly deranged urge makes people want to do karaoke at 6 in the evening on a work night, at least initially sober, in a tube station pub, but evidently they do. If I had a pound for every time I've overheard some sad woman singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" (or insert name of unseemly power-ballad here) I'd be halfway to quite a nice secondhand car. Going through yesterday, and admittedly it was nearer 9pm than 6, I heard a man singing, and I swear with my hand on my heart this is true, "Can't Touch This" by M C Hammer. What kind of choice is that? It's the choice of a man who knows he can't sing, but foolishly believes he can rap. With the possible exception of "Walking In The Air" I can't actually think of anything less suited to being sung by an accountant in a suit, but I'm prepared to find I'm wrong, probably this evening as I walk past again...

17 comments:

Brother Tobias said...

Power ballads for accountants? Since the credit crunch, maybe 'Wind of Change', Headed for Heartbreak', or 'Hysteria'? Lucy, you're working too late.

Lucy Fishwife said...

"Money's Too Tight To Mention"? "Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent"? Thank you for your kind concern re my working hours - I have to confess that my idea of working late is having a quick cigarette before I cash up. I was, and I say this knowing how tragically uncool it sounds, playing mah-jong. Could have been worse, could have been bridge...

kathaurielle said...

i have joined blogger and so can comment at last... it's me, from that big corporate bookshop we used to work in!
how are your cycle-to-work plans coming along? becuase, selfishly speaking, i think i would enjoy your musings on the subject of cycling. i was knocked off my bike by a car last week! i bet you could turn it into a funny story.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Hi my sugarplum fairy lady! Sorry to hear about the bike - same thing happened to my boss also last week! I had to be horrible to her when she got back from A&E as she told me if I was nice she'd cry. So I spent all afternoon telling "You're crap! Want a cup of tea? Well you can't have one!..Two sugars, bitch?"
My cycling came and went. I'm still using the District Line 'n' 209 bus combo, to the detriment of my gigantic bum. Where are you now? XXXXXXX

Lucy Fishwife said...

PS God my typing is deteriorating. that was "yelling", not "telling". I don't have comment moderator on, so you could have commented anonymously, you know...

Steve said...

He gets kudos points if he was wearing the Hammer baggy pants with his city jacket on top. Given the recession he ought to have been singing "Hole In The Ground" by Bernard Cribbins... far more apt. And the trousers would be a better fit.

Lucy Fishwife said...

I couldn't bring myself to look. He had just yelled "Hammertime!!" as I passed, so I can only hope that he was doing the dance, wearing the trousers, living the dream...

The Poet Laura-eate said...

An Accountant singing 'Can't Touch This' - now that I have to see! Where is that pub again???

Lucy Fishwife said...

Hammersmith tube station... But I bet you'll get the woman singing "My Heart Will Go On"...

ScentScelf said...

Lame Yank making an observation...but I've got to put the hammer down, so to speak...MC Hammer covers, off the Hammersmith station...if I had a hammer, I'd hammer out justice all over your land, and simply turn of the karaoke machines.

But I'm a killjoy who can't sing. I can put together a playlist, though, of songs not appropriate for accountants, including "I Feel Like a Number" (Bob Seger) or "Money for Nothing" (Dire Straits). ;)

Lucy Fishwife said...

"Lame yank" sounds like it ought to be an anagram of something dodgy involving the word "limey" - sadly no letter i ... I know, the combination of Hammertime and Hammersmith was too good to be true, wasn't it? Could have been worse, could have been Sexual Ealing. I also can't sing but sadly when drunk in an enclosed room at Lucky Voice, I become Dusty Springfield...

Can Bass 1 said...

Why don't these people join a choir? Or take singing lessons? (I've still got some vacancies!)

Lucy Fishwife said...

I totally DARE YOU to do "Can't Touch This" in church. Mr Fishwife was at the kind of public school where they had chapel every morning and said the boy who played the organ managed, several times, to sneak "Jump" by Van Halen in as an introit by virtue of playing it very slowly with Bachian twiddles.

Rol said...

A lad I know does a word perfect version of U Can't Touch This. I find that really scary as, apart from the title, I wouldn't have the first clue what any of the words are.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Aren't they just sporadic yelps of "Can't touch this" and a showstopping "Hammertime!!" to take it to the bridge?

kathaurielle said...

hello,

is mr's eye ok? hope so...was he playing with fireworks?

Lucy Fishwife said...

Yes, it's fine.. it turned out to be a particularly vile form of conjunctivitis, which means I can't use the same towel as him and if he leaves before I've woken up in the morning he has to turn his pillow over so I don't roll over onto his side of the bed and infect myself. God, MRSA would be less bother...