Monday, 14 February 2011

Fingers Crossed

Just had an email from First Direct saying they would send me some paperwork to be signed, and "subject to the usual checks" I would soon become one of the happy Elect, frolicking in a flowery meadow of elite-hood, rather than wearing the scarlet letter S.
Of course now I'm panicking - will their "usual checks" be the equivalent of Talking To Her Mates After A Reasonably Good First Date? Will they find out that, financially speaking, I have a tendency to cry when drinking gin and stand on pub tables slurring mournfully along to "Don't Cry Out Loud"? Am I the kind of bank customer who equates to a slightly needy ex who sticks Garfield cartoons to her fridge and has a rear car window shelf full of cuddly toys and bejewelled tissue-box holders?
My other worry (even more irrational) is that I will turn out to be the victim of a huge scam - and that First Direct doesn't exist at all, but is an offshoot of Reverend James Willy Enterprises plc - and I and countless others have fallen victim to their seductive ads showing happy bankers talking to "real people" (or no-life "we're all MAD here!!!!!!" wonks as per the ad, but I digress).
But all of this is academic at the moment, as I wait by the letterbox, like a Victorian soldier's sweetheart, waiting for a tiny billet doux to raise my spirits... Oh First Direct, will you be my Valentine?

"Vouchsafe how many years you have resided at your present address, fair maid", quoth he.


Vanessa said...

I am sure all will be fine and you will be well served by First Direct; they have some of my money in their safekeeping, so they had jolly well better exist!

But meanwhile I have been impressed by the way Santander handled a complaint on my business bank account last week. I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say they went to great lengths to find the recording of my conversation with their adviser (whose name I hadn't paid attention to at the time), listened back to it, and promptly found in my favour. The adviser has since been retrained, which is bankspeak for "given a good bollocking".

Not only did they make good their mistake, but they also sent me a case of wine for the stress caused. I *was* stressed by the incident, so I am steadily drinking my way through it and feel quite a lot better already.

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

Lucy, you made me laugh out loud. You're fabulous! xx

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Oh god, I hope they choose you!

The privilege. I mean you being so unworthy and all that.

;- )

I got rejected for a Tesco credit card. About a month after I got a mail shot from them enticing me to apply for one!