Saturday, 10 July 2010

Wasps. Rubbish.

Torvill & Dean. Possibly too large to fit in a halogen uplighter lampshade.

Phew, what a scorcher. Having the windows open at all times has meant a lot more in the way of flying wildlife indoors. This has been great for the cats, who like to show what terrifying predators they are by messily dismembering a daddy-long-legs or two on the carpet, before losing interest and leaving us to clear up the crime scene. However, not so great for us, as the insect population seem drawn in droves to the halogen uplighter, and die smokily and pungently in it. I'd like to give you an image here: the tragic lovers in Torvill & Dean's interpretation of Ravel's Bolero, whirling round and round gracefully before hurling themselves into a volcano. Imagine that, only substitute a few flies and the odd wasp for Torvill & Dean. No music, obviously. It's amazing how strong the smell of burnt wasp is. Like burning hair, but nastier and a lot more persistent. Also, when you look up at the uplighter from beneath, the pretty glass shade is full of the crispy silhouettes of dead insects. Nice.

20 comments:

Minnie said...

Great post; thanks for the laughs. I'd love to become an insect serial killer: the bestioles infesting my gaff are leaving their marks on me instead ...! Bon weekend.
PS Have you tried l'Occitane's Thé Vert Bergamoté?

Lucy Fishwife said...

I'm considering getting one of those lovely ultra-violet bug-zappers they always have in flyblown and unhygienic butchers' shops. Class. Am wearing Perfect Day by Bella Bellissima a lot at the mo - very green tea & bergamot, I recommend it...

libby said...

How many cats have you got? we have two and I think they are too hot to hunt at the minute...and as an aside (stupid question I suppose but bear with me) where do you keep all your scent? dressing table? bathroom? fridge??

Vicus Scurra said...

Much as I loathe, and have always loathed, the sight of Torville and Dean poncing about on the electric television, I find that I cannot support your campaign to murder them in your living room. I hope that you reconsider. Prison is not all that you might believe. It can be quite unpleasant.
If T&D meet with some freak accident in the near future you will be the prime suspect.
You have been warned.

Aparatchick said...

Screens, Lucy, window screens.

And cats? As my husband often says about our two, "If they were bigger, they'd eat us." Sadly true.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Let's have piccies of the cats doing their thang!

I put some beer out in the garden to get rid of my slugs the other day. No slugs but I found a couple of dead students outside the following morning.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Libby - two, and I would describe them as a pack but they HATE each other. They may not have the energy to hunt, but they still somehow find the energy to hiss at each other from under chairs.

Vicus - I refuse to lie for you if you kill them and try to frame me. I have saved a screenshot of this page and will be fforwarding it to the FBI's VICAP unit.

Aparatchick - Yes, in a more enlightened country we would have window screens AND a/c. Sadly we have neither, and I refuse to use a fly-swat, so there's an element of "last helicopter out of Saigon" about our sitting room these days as the bugs scramble for the lampshade.

Laura - I will try and catch a particularly messy one on film, but will then have to give this blog a PG-13 rating... Thought in Oxford you could only use Krug to trap students?

Lucy Fishwife said...

Oh, and PS to Libby - Wardrobe. Two full shelves. Dark and cool, ideal. Also a lot of the bottles are sample-sized, so take up less space.

Material Girl said...

oh my gosh, I was OBSESSED with their Ravel routine when I was a little figure skater child. now I think it's hilariously melodramatic, but at the time I was just entranced.

flittersniffer said...

Insects can be a real pest.

My other half was not best pleased last night when I woke him up to remove a spider that was blocking my path between door and bed. As our cat was off duty at the time, he had to resort to a blunt instrument and the Hoover for the removal of vestigial spider parts.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Material girl - Ice skating was never my thing but, as you may have gathered from the general tone of my blog, I wasn't what you would consider either graceful or sporty as a gal...

Flittersniffer - Spiders have ceased to be a problem since I unwisely glanced up at the shower ceiling in a rental property in Provence to find a scorpion looking back at me. Once you've made eye contact, naked, with a scorpion, spiders are laughably feeble...

flittersniffer said...

A predatory arthropod? - "respect"! Spiders are merely "air-breathing" arthropods, I have just learnt on Wiki. Not the same level of menace at all, I can see that.

Tessa said...

My cat is useless with bugs. Only birds excite her. So I love me my screens. And when I'm outdoors and away from them, I wreathe myself in lavender (buzz knackers hate the scent, it seems), hang dryer sheets out of every pocket and orifice and a basil plant over the sink. I don't mind spiders (any enemy of the fly is a friend of mine) but I hate any and all flying insects, especially if they whine or buzz as they zero in on you.

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

Very funny as usual. Hmmm... the smell of burning wasps! It has been so hot, I have tried not to moan. And now it's rained all week. Marvellous! There's a blog award at mine for you xx

Lucy Fishwife said...

Flittersniffer - it also helps that (touch wood) there are no native UK spiders that are venomous. Although Mr F has just reminded me that there was a news item recently about an accidentally-imported colony of the evil funnelweb, living under Kew Bridge. So it's swings and roundabouts.

Tessa - thanks for the tip about lavender! Far preferable to citronella. Will give that a go when I next go on holiday. What do you do with the dryer sheets (are we talking Bounce here)?

Christina - thank you! I am on my way over!

pilgrimchick said...

Same thing out here, but without the lamp option. Fortunately, my cats eat all of the insects they attack, so there is little to clean up afterwards.

Aparatchick said...

Ah, Lucy. We got window screens, you got universal healthcare.

***looks down, kicks dirt, shuffles away***

Lucy Fishwife said...

Pilgrimchick - I wish mine did. I suppose the problem with the average daddy-long-legs is that the bits go EVERYWHERE, so it's the cat equivalent of eating popcorn in the dark.

Aparatchick - All the other countries have a crush on your president. You have bar staff who actually know how to make a cocktail without giggling or consulting a book or adding sweet vermouth in an arbitrary way. You have Kamel Reds. You have widespread valet parking. I'd go on but tears are blurring my vision.

Blighty said...

hi Lucy F, still loving your bloggie, partic the perfume aspect, I hope you don't mind but I referred to you in my blog, I was doing a bit on perfumes and needed you and Perfume Court for credibiility!! I tried Clarins Ead de Jardins this week, nice and managed to blag sample of Ensolleille, must go as husband breathing down neck, something about wanting lunch..Bx

Lucy Fishwife said...

Blighty - not so sure about the credibility angle but flattered nonetheless! Must investigate Ensoleille, woefully under-informed...